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Friday, June 27, 2014

Following Traditions may also be Modern

Once upon a time, a family had a pet cat. It was very naughty cat and played with everyone. But, this caused a problem during festivals and celebrations. So, the eldest lady in house used to tie the cat in one corner whenever there was a festival or celebration. After th eeldest lady died, no one knew why she used to tie the cat during those periods. Everyone thought it was some ritual or custom to be followed. So, the poor cat wsa tied unknowingly time to time. This went on for years and after the cat died, family did not know what to do. So, from then ownwards, everytime there was a celebration or festival, the family had a task to look for a cat and tie the poor animal for no reason.

Moral of the story - A tradition without intelligence is not worth having. ~ TS Eliot

So true it is. The so called traditions which do not have a valid reason behind them are actually not worth calling tradition - they are called "evil custom" or कुप्रथा - kupratha.

There are come traditions which do have some logical reason behind them and thus i have no fear or shame in following them. Let's see some of them;

1. Women not doing anything during menstural cycles
Actually, this is the biggest tradition i have seen all my life. People need to understand that menstrual flow is not dirty. Most of it is simple blood flowed out of body naturally. In some regions, women are not allowed even in simple prayers at home which involves two steps to a different room.
The actual reason for keeping women at rest is that during menstruation women undergo both physical and emotional changes and may not be ready for rituals that required concentration and strength for execution. Women in the ancient times used to do a lot work that required a ritual to be completed. This custom was to ensure that women under menstruation are given due rest to remain healthy. Over time this has been misinterpreted by many that women under menstruation are to stay away from rituals since it brings ill effects to the ritual.

2. Not doing some partiicular tasks after sunset.
Form childhood, i have been asked not to sweep the floor, cut nails, do stiching etc after sunset. When i asked why? No answer was there. But, now i can very well understand that this is because during ancient times, there was no electricity. People used to light homes with oil lamps or candles etc.
Sweeping floor after the sunset, in dim light, can result in sweeping away small jewellery pieces or money from the home. Also, the splinters of the broom, when swept areprone to catch fire from the lamps causing the risk of a fire.
Cutting nails or stiching - First, it might hurt the nails or fingers in dim light.

3. Cut nails should not be kept inside house
Actually, my mother always insisted that i cut my nails in porch or backyard. First reason is obviously the sunlight, si i am not hurt. Another is, if one stamps on another person’s cut nails, they will start hating each other. Also,  one’s nails may be poisonous to another person, if it pierces the skin.

4. Cover head while cooking and worshiping
This is very obvious. Ever seen the shefs? They all wear hats. Know why? To avoid falling down of hair in food. Yes - the same is the reason while worshiping. We generally light oil lamp and bow down while worshiping. Loose hair are prone to catch fire. Even guys are advised to cover ther head by hankerchief.

There are many more like them. However, there are some baseless traditions and rituals - oh i shall call them evil customs which people seriously need to get rid of;
1. Widows Are considered inauspicious.
2. Animal sacrifice in the name of god.
3. Child marriages
4. many more...

The term - "An educated illitrate" is very apt for people who boast of being modern but yet are do backward within their own homes. Mr. Nassim Nicholas Taleb very well said that - "Modernity: we created youth without heroism, age without wisdom, and life without grandeur".

We must remember that one can be truly modern and follow the traditions at the same time. This is provided that the person does not follow them blindly. No religion or god gudes to hurt other for our own good.

The challenge of modernity is to live without illusions and without becoming disillusioned.  ~ Antonio Gramsci
This post was written in response to Indispire - Topic - If you value your traditions and culture, you're branded conservative. While modernity is judged by clothes rather than thoughts. What's you take on this topic?

Do you think that being traditional is outdated? Does physical appearance makes you judge the person rather than his/her thoughts? I would definitely like to hear your voice.

Monday, June 23, 2014

Marriages, Thunder &Lightning, Are Made in Heaven

Sneha and Vikrant were dating for some years. They spent most of their day together and parted ways at night to go back to respective homes.  One fine day, they decided not to part and moved together. Their romance grew tones; they had their best moments and were on cloud nine. After some time, they had many differences and decided to part forever.  The society had many views:
1. Oh my god! They were living in without marriage!
2. Vikrant must have changed as he got what he wanted.
3. Sneha must have started nagging him like a wife.
4. Had they been married, they would have relatives to solve their problems.

Image Source - http://www.intromeditation.com/Wordpress/wp-content/uploads/283710_456234241062492_1115879864_n.jpg
Sneha and Vikrant were dating for some years. They spent most of their day together and parted ways at night to go back to respective homes.  One fine day, they decided not to part and convinced their families to get them married. It was dream come true. They no longer needed lies to go on a date. They felt blessed. After some time, they could not adjust to each other families. Differences grew and they parted forever. Society had many views;
1. Kids these days have become so impatient.
2. They married on their own will, the results are here.
3. Vikrant must have started taking her for granted.
4. Sneha could not have adjusted with the in-laws.
5. They didn't have child that could have been the problem.

We just read both scenarios - live-in and marriage. It's very clear society and it's people would have something to say in either case.  I believe, it's totally an individual's choice to choose between the two. Success of a relationship is never a guarantee in any choice.

The small teasing habit of a guy may look sweet to a girl while on date. The same habit may become annoying when repeated whole day and night while living in.
Getting the table and surrounding clean may look impressive while dining in restaurant or enjoying holiday. The same may break a relationship when forced to follow day and night.
The guy and the girl would definitely be in their best behavior when they meet for few hours before marriage. The same behavior may not stay same in the comfort of home.

Let's compare the two:


Live in
Marriage

Freedom
Full
Depends
Freedom is the very first advantage talked about live in relationships. As they are not married, generally, couples tend to give more space to each other. But, it does not mean that people are caged in marriage. The amount of space and freedom in marriages depends upon individuals and family structure.
Responsibility
Optional
Mandatory
Getting married by default implies that the two people are ready to take responsibility of each other. While in a live in, people have an option to choose between the responsibilities.
Social Acceptance
Low
Full
It's needless to mention that marriages are completely accepted by society, while the live in couples have to face a twisted eye (at least in Asian countries). To be honest, leaving behind some celebrities and handful of couples, most of them live together stating various lies to neighbors
Legal Acceptance
Partial
Full
Marriage comes with all legal implications and people have complete right to fight fur themselves if required. The Indian courts have accepted a few rights for live in partners, but they are very few and difficult to win.
Commitment Obligations
Optional
Mandatory
Live in relations are mostly done in order to give each other a chance to understand each other better. People are committed, but fell themselves free to define must definition. Marriages on the other hand demand the two people to be completely committed to each other.
Financial obligations
Optional
Mandatory
Once married, the other half is legally called dependent. Each person has the onus to support the other financially. Live in , the scenario is fast changing as couples these days have joint bank accounts and many more.
Risk Factor
Low
High
In case of arranged marriages, the risk factor towards everything is very high as the person is completely unknown. It subsides a bit in case of love marriages. Live in relations come with a low risk factor as they give more time to understand each other better.
Ease of Breaking Up
Simple
Complicated
There is a reason why people get goose bumps of the word Marriage. It's not easy to get out of it once in. In-fact, sometimes, it takes years into the legal proceedings. Live in, there are no boundaries. If things don't get work out, one can just walk away.
Family Support
Low
High
Our families would anytime be in favor of marriages. Live in may look cool to youngsters, but families still have hesitation accepting them.
Expansion of family
Difficult
Easy
Everyone dreams of having a kid and  it's well known and expected on married. Live in couples on the other hand face difficulties ti get them accepted in society , forget the children.





I am a happily married girl. My relatives look up to my husband as an example when they look for grooms for their daughters. I an financially independent. We created a joint account just to get an address proof for passport. We give space to each other. At the same time, I like when my husband discuss with me before making some important decisions. Yes, it was a big risk tying the knot with a person so new to me, but I have been quite lucky.

I also have a couple friend from college time who lived in for 2 years before saying "I do".  But at the end, they are married.

Image Source - http://media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/eb/d2/87/ebd2870c21e365e9bfb2138a57055ab3.jpg
Every girl dreams of being a bride one day.  Every guy wishes to have a wife who behaves like a girlfriend.  Thus, for me, Marriage is the winner. Still, as I always said, it's totally an individual’s choice and needs.

Marriages are made in heaven.
Live in - not sure ;) but yes,

They say all marriages are made in heaven, but so are thunder and lightning. ~ Clint Eastwood
This post was written in response to Indispire - Topic 18

Are you married? What do you wish for - arranged or love? Let the world know by writing a comment.

Monday, June 16, 2014

Virginity - Why the hype!

 No offence - but the topic itself being is good enough to irritate me and make me feel humiliated.

Why the character of boys not a topic of debate?  Are they not humans? Do they not commit mistakes? Do women not want one woman men?
  
What is Virginity?
As per dictionary, it's a state of never having an act of sexual intercourse. Reread it - intercourse.
Intercourse is never done alone. It's a combined act. A girl gives her virginity, so does a boy.
It's sad but true that the so called virginity of a girl is seen with almost similar eyes not only in our country, even around the world.
A guy wants a girlfriend, she must be virgin.
A guy wants a wife, she should be virgin.
A guy wants to remarry due to and reason, the girl should be virgin. Excuse me!!!
It's a pity, but even in the horrifying human trafficking crime, Virgin girls are always sought after and sold at highest price.

I used to call it the bad luck of women that their virginity could be proven. Actually, If I look other way round, a woman can at least prove it, but a man... He may swear, does whatever, but we women may always say, do you have a proof?

Picture this, a bunch of 25 year old guys are partying together. They ask each other if they are virgin. I am sure you know what happens next. Right! If anyone is, he is the centre of jokes. It does not stop here. The guy who lost it at most youngest age wins the game. He becomes the hero of crowd.
I cannot even imagine the reaction and thinking of girls in the same game. In-fact, I bet that none of them would actually confess.
The society better change its mentality or many might live in false belief because:
1.       Is it all you can think about? - Adopt a better attitude. Weakness of attitude becomes weakness of character. ~ Albert Einstein.
2.       A good character comprises of – honesty, kindness, generosity, moral courage, forgiveness and most important – how you treat others.
3.       Just because a guy/girl never had an intercourse before does not mean he/she was loyal or would remain so.
4.       Better get your biology concepts clear - refer hymenoplasty.
5.       Still not convinced, read the famous quotes on Virginity and educate yourselves
6.       Have the same thoughts, GET A LIFE…!!!
7.       Thus, my take is - Virginity  should never be regarded as a person's character.

This post was written in response to Indispire
image source - http://fc09.deviantart.net/fs70/i/2013/337/9/5/purity_by_florina23-d6wktmu.jpg

What's you take on the controversial word? Does virginity matter to you more than character? Shout out your heart to the world via comments.

Monday, June 2, 2014

RICH - Adrienne Rich

Rich - Undoubtedly my first reaction to the word was having great wealth. I also thought of it otherwise. The wealthiest person on planet may feel the poorest if the person is not rich in health/family/friends.

I opened thefreedictionary and to my surprise, the first reference I found was a person! "Adrienne Rich" - american poet and essayist whose works, notably Diving Into the Wreck (1973), concern radical feminism, lesbianism, and political activism.

Curious, I immediately opened mighty Google and found a new writer i was not aware of (Not that I know all of them, but still...).

My first reaction: Yaaayyyy... That was because, first thing i noticed about her was - "one of the most widely read and influential poets of the second half of the 20th century". I may sound a bit partial, but i somehow feel proud the moment I see/read/hear successful woman.


Below are some lines from Rich which i loved instantly:

~ You must write, and read, as if your life depend on it.

~ Life on the planet is born of woman.

~ When a woman tells the truth she is creating the possibility for more truth around her.

~ Lying is done with words and also with silence.

~ How we dwelt in two worlds the daughters and the mothers in the kingdom of the sons.

~ War is an absolute failure of imagination, scientific and political.

~ Every journey into the past is complicated by delusions, false memories, false namings of real events

~ Sleeping, turning in turn like planets
  rotating in their midnight meadow:
  a touch is enough to let us know
  we're not alone in the universe, even in sleep...

~ ... passion for survival is the great theme of women's poetry.

~ The will to change begins in the body not in the mind

~ ''... this world gives no room
   to be what we dreamt of being''

~ A thinking woman sleeps with monsters.

~ Not biology, but ignorance of ourselves, has been the key to our powerlessness.

~ When I talk of taking a trip, i mean forever.

~ The moment of change is the only poem.

~ Poetry is the liquid voice that can wear through stone.

~ Pride is a tricky double-edged feeling.

~ Either you will
    go through this door
    or you will not go through.
    ...
   The door itself
   makes no promises.
   It is only a door.''


~ The mother's battle for her child—with sickness, with poverty, with war, with all the forces of exploitation and callousness that cheapen human life—needs to become a common human battle, waged in love and in the passion for survival.

This post was written in response to Indispire - Topic - Rich. Write a post on your interpretation of this word.

Have you read Adrienne Rich? What comes to you mind when you read Rich? Put in your thoughts in comments.